iwant2beaskinnybitch

Oh man I LOST IT today!!! I broke my vegetarian run and failed my 30 day challenge.    I am so disappointed because it could have been avoided if only we had some food in the house.  Just a little hummus would have done the job.

Reasons we don’t have any food…

• Today is Tuesday.  We are going out of town for the 4th of July on Thursday.  I just didn’t see the point in shopping when we have enough odds and ends to get us through.
• We return to town on the 7th, then leave for Orlando on the 10th.  Reconfirms my point… half of what I buy will not get eaten and will go bad before we get back. 
• We are going to Orlando!  I wanna buy stuff!

Now listen, I am not depriving my family.  There is plenty of cereal and mac and cheese and chef boyardee and eggs and salad fixens for them.  But there is nothing that satisfies me.  The nouveau vegetarian.  No peanut butter to fight a craving, no hummus for my cucumbers.  Just raw veggies.  No bread for a vegetable sandwich or tortilla for tofu fajitas.  No Organic  vanilla chai or carrot juice.  Just plain raw veggies. 

I tried to eat them but without my few exotic splurges, I can’t get satisfied.

Without thinking, I took a bite of a little meatball from my daughters spaghetti and meatballs today.  I was upset for a sec but immediately shook it off.  It was just a tiny bite, it was unintentional, I didn’t count it. 

As the day went on I became more obsessed with eating something.  I had some peanuts.  I drank a mountain dew. (not on my “diet” but not breaking my oath.)  Girl scout cookies couldn’t even satisfy me. 

I was toast.

I am not proud to say that I went to the cupboard, grabbed a can of chef boyardee and ate the flesh and noodles right out of the can!  “Crazed” is the only way I can describe the scene.

I am sick to my stomach now and  know I’ll be even more sick later.  To top it all off… it tasted like crap!  I’m still not satisfied!  I’ll probably ravage the house some more when I am done with this post but I am happy to realize what it is I am really hungry for.

Cucumber and hummus.

Ordinarily when the cupboards are bare I crave something like chips and salsa, cheese, bologna… something like that.  But my body is actually now craving the good stuff!!!  This is such a positive step that maybe I am not upset about the slip up at all.  Maybe it is an important step in realizing the good changes that are happening to my body. 

Visually there is some pudge melting off my sides and my clothes fit a little better.  My arms are firming up again.  And now my body no longer craves junk!

I will never run out of hummus again!