iwant2beaskinnybitch

I was supposed to be writing my blog and I got caught up in this hilarious website called The Imperfect Parent.  It’s  too late for me to get my blog in for today so I am just going to give you a link to sheer lunacy.  If you are offended by four letter words do not read it.  But for a glimpse into what goes on in a real mom’s head, click here.

So the last time I checked in it was my first day on Isagenix.  What a ride.

This program is like nothing I’ve done before.  I don’t know when was the last time I’ve had to work so hard at dedication and discipline.

The program started me out with the 2 shakes and a 600 calorie meal per day.  The next two days were this special juice only, 4 times per day.  If my body absolutely cannot take the total juice diet for the day I can have a couple organic nuts or oganic apple. Those juice days were brutal. 

I found myself on the first juice day waiting in line at Blockbuster looking desperately  for organic mike and ikes or something similar.  The second juice day I took my kids to the movies.  I could almost taste the popcorn, it smelled so good.  I actually said, SCREW IT GIMME SOME POPCORN (in my head of course) and started to order but my daughter stopped me and told the clerk that I am on an eleven day fast and unable to eat popcorn.  Thanks, Sari.

Day 5 was back to 2 shakes and a 600 calorie meal.  Funny thing, I was excited to dip my finger in the hummus, but I wasn’t really hungry. 

Today, day 6, I woke up not recognizing this feeling I have of… “nothing”.  I don’t mean to say that I am in a funk or a weird mood, I just have not wanted any food today.  I did not eat my first shake until noon, I dabbled into some peppers and hummus, and forgot all about my other shake until 9pm.  I even made a yummy enchilada dinner for my Fam and though I took one tiny taste for temperature and seasoning, I never once wished I could eat. 

Then there is this unexplainable feeling of calm that I have.  I don’t understand why this is happening, but I have never felt so cool and in control of things.  Maybe my mind is clear and focused because of the removal of the toxins from my body?  OH!  I know… you know that feeling you get after a spa treatment where you feel almost on another plane… you’re mind is clear, you’re breathing right, you’re almost floating?  That’s how I have felt, non stop since day 3.  And I like it.

Yesterday I was excited because I measured my right leg only, just as a teaser and I lost an inch each off my calf and thigh.  I was tickled pink but am even more excited about today’s progress. 

Food is my comfort, my friend, my crutch.  It gives me fuel, stimulates me when I am bored, and calms me when I am upset.  It is obvious by my current condition that the relationship is unhealthy and out of balance.  But today I woke up indifferent to it.  I didn’t think about food and I still don’t want it.

Is this what they call changing your relationship with food?

To be continued…..

So I don’t know if it’s just been too much pressure or what but I can’t stick to anything.  It’s ridiculous.  So I have added a new element to jumpstart myself. 

I have been wanting to do a REAL cleansing system for a long time so I decided to give ISAGENIX a chance. The idea of getting rid of the environmental toxins is very interesting to me, I have heard a lot this particular system, and frankly am reaching desperation.   I received my kit on Wednesday and started today, Thursday.  Which a this hour was actually yesterday, you follow?

So at the end of day one I am actually feeling pretty great and I have not technically even started the cleanse yet.  I am in the PRE cleanse stage which is two days of a shake for breakfast, a shake for dinner and a sensible lunch.  Hmmmmm sounds familiar, right?

I am not going to knock Slim Fast here.  I drank it for breakfast for about fifteen years and it was fine.  I was also a lot younger and already in super fine shape.  All that sugar and junk are just not what I need at this point in my life.

So I took my first Isagenix shake and my accelerator pill and felt extremely energetic yet calm.  These are both feelings so foreign to me that I had to struggle to find the words to describe them, so rarely do the words escape my lips. 

For lunch I had a tortilla shell with a teaspoon of hummus spread on it and stuffed with peppers, cucumbers, and tofu.  OMG It was so good.  By dinner it was a struggle to drink my whole second shake.  I just was not hungry.  So foreign is THIS feeling I asked my husband so I could describe it to you. He said it’s called “lack of appetite”.  Hmm.  Who knew.

Now this evening is another story.  This is snack time.  Everyone’s in bed, I’m downstairs working on the computer and the cravings kick in.  Luckily the system comes with these chocolate wafer snacks that are basically freebees for just that reason. 

So today was a success.  I took my measurements, drank tons of water and stuck with the program.  The program goes for NINE days though, in additin to the two day PRE cleanse.  Chocolate wafer help me.  I can’t do it without you.

The Isagenix program works great with the skinny bitch vegetarian guidelines but I have to put my mufas on hold for a bit I think.  I’ll let you know.   

Well, remember the idea is to add one serving of your choice of one MUFA to each meal. Ideally you should be eating 4 to 5 small meals per day.

Here are some additional MUFA guidelines.

Let’s start with the oils.

• Your choices are sesame oil, peanut oil, & canola oil (for stir frying) olive oil & walnut oil (for pan frying),  pesto sauce (for sandwiches, soups, grilled foods, pasta & rice), safflower oil, , soybean oil, sunflower oil (for cooking), flaxseed oil (for salad dressings).
• MUFA serving allowance is 1 tablespoon.
• EASY MUFA TIP* I put one tablespoon of olive oil in my protein shake.  (pomegranate juice, handful of frozen fruit, fresh banana, fresh blueberries when I have them, a scoop of protein powder and a tablespoon of olive oil.  DELISH!)

Next is Nuts.

• Proper MUFA serving size is 2 tablespoons.
• Use the nuts as snacks or toss in salads and use the spreads on crackers, fruit, and bread.
• Your MUFA nut choices include almonds, almond butter, Brazil nuts, cashew butter, chunky natural peanut butter, dry-roasted cashews, dry-roasted peanuts, dry-roasted sunflower seeds, hazelnuts, macadamia nuts, pecans, pine nuts, pistachios, roasted pumpkin seeds, smooth natural peanut butter, sunflower seeds, sunflower seed butter, tahini, and walnuts

My favorite MUFA is Avocado.

• Proper MUFA portion for avocado is 1/4 cup.
• There are so many choices. Smash with lime and salt or combine into salsa for chips, chop up and toss in a salad, slice as edible garnish with just about anything. 
• MY FAVES: ***Smash out a quarter cup and spread onto a tortilla shell with fresh crunchy veggies like peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes. *** Cube and serve over eggs with salsa *** borrowed from the FIT FOR LIFE book of recipes is the perfectly combine sandwich which consists of avocado, tomato, sprouts, and mustard on toast. YUM! 

I Will Gag to my death if you make me eat an olive but here’s some info just for you!

• 10 large olives is a good MUFA serving for you freaks who eat them.  I have no recipe ideas for you, though.  You’re on your own. 

I saved the best MUFA for last.  CHOCOLATE!

• Your proper MUFA serving size for chocolate is 1/4 cup.
• Eat it chunked, shaved or chipped but it has to be dark or semisweet. 

I hope that helps you out with your MUFA questions.  There has been so much interest in it and I can’t say I am surprised.  Just please don’t forget, although good fats, these foods are still fats and too much of them will chub you up so make sure you stick to the guidelines. 

As excited as I was about the MUFA revolution I have not indulged much in my chocolate and avocado servings at all.  It still comes down to having to be easy to work into my routine and I am happy I discovered how good the olive oil tastes in my protein shake.  That’s been my MUFA of choice.  How about you?

You know what burns my butt? That we have decades worth of Elvis Presley to showcase and imitate, but we focus on bloated Elvis. We make jokes, we use his voice to talk about peanut butter and banana sandwiches, we puff out our bellies and we make bodily sounds while doing a “funny” impersonation of him singing.

By “we” I don’t mean “me”. I don’t even know if I mean “you”. But “You” know who you are.

I was taught to never speak ill of the dead. When I was a kid, after Elvis died, I was shocked to hear all the jokes people told about how he lived, how he died, how he looked, etc. Not because we were huge fans but because it was so disrespectful. Now surely Elvis’ death was not the first instance of distasteful talk about a deceased person, but it was the first one I noticed.

It still bothers me today. Not because of the respect thing because I am older, more realistic, and don’t expect anything better out people. We just don’t know how to behave anymore. The reason it bothers me is that there is SO much good Elvis footage out there. So many great performances to emulate and showcase. You know why no one imitates THOSE versions of Elvis? Because they cannot. Mid 50s Elvis, Comeback Concert Elvis, ‘73 Elvis… ALL SO AMAZING! You can’t touch it!

If the best thing you can come up with to make a joke or entertain people is a fat Elvis joke, that speaks volumes about you. Taking a beloved figure and tearing him down to make yourself look big and great is sad.

My feeling here extends beyond Elvis. I am mortified by comedy I have seen and heard at the expense of Anna Nicole Smith, for instance. And the FACT that it is so nonchalant and accepted in our society is doubly disappointing.

To make up for the lack of happy, healthy, vibrant Elvis, the one that spanned decades as opposed to the short lived unhealthy, unhappy Elvis that we are overexposed to, I wanted to find some of my old favorite footage from the fifties. I hope you enjoy here the REAL Elvis.

I was 8 years old when Elvis Presley died on August 16, 1977.   Just three months before his death I saw him in concert at the Saginaw Civic Center in Michigan.  The day after he died I was in was in Memphis, Tennessee surrounded by crying fans outside the gates of Graceland.  You bet I will have some Elvis content this week.  But not today.  Today I was inspired by the song title above to focus more on my Skinny Bitch ACTIONS and less on TALKING about it.

I have done okay in these beginning days of my “lifestyle change”.  I am eating tons of fruits & veggies, not drinking soda or taking in any caffeine.   

I felt like crap on Thursday and Friday.  My stomach was so bloated I felt like I was carrying a basketball in there.  And this migraine!  It is killing me, as is the rage I am feeling off and on!  My family took me out Friday to try and help me shake it off.  I stayed completely within my food limits at dinner.  Hubby ordered me a mojito and insisted I drink it immediately.  Just SAYING “mojito” makes me smile, so you can imagine how much I enjoy drinking it. :-)  Today is Sunday and my disposition is a bit better but the headache is still present. 

I had four main components to Project Skinny Bitch.

1. Good sleeping habits
2. Drink lots of water
3. No meat
4. Exercise daily

This is where the less talk, more action comes in.  I sit around with my damn notebook so much making notes for posts and coming up with ways to improve things that I don’t DO half the stuff I am writing about!  I am not exercising or drinking water, and I sleep from about 2:30 to 8:30.  Not terrible in amount of hours, but the quality must not be good because I am dead tired during the day and I have big bags under my eyes. 

Therefore I am taking a new approach with Project Skinny Bitch for the moment.  No more planning, note taking, food journals, etc.  I will focus on my 4 things and blog an occasional progress report.  Done!  I’m not talking about it anymore. 

I wonder today if there are any crazy Bernie Mac fans, like my parents were crazy Elvis fans, whose lives changed today when they heard the news of Bernie’s passing.  I bet there are.  What a cool guy.  So fun to watch and just a great guy.  Our world will be less funny without him.

Did anybody else experience any melancholy today (sunday)? Between John Edwards wife’s incurable cancer, Bernie Mac’s passing, and the tragedy at the Olympics I was glad to come across this video. It’s an Elvis remake that I LOVE! You can’t help but feel good watching it. Enjoy!

Well my Project Skinny Bitch did not start as I had planned.  Distractions, occasions, and snacking prevailed.  Such is life, though.  You just gotta keep going.  To top it off I’ve been fighting a laptop virus which is slowing everything down and has stalled my plan to lay out the guidelines for PSB here on the blog.  I can only be here for a short time before I get shut down.  Very irritating.  But here’s what is going on so far.

Friday the 1st I was a little melancholy.  I did manage to get a good Turbo Jam workout in.  I didn’t have any meat, caffeine, or candy.  Noticed no difference in the way I felt other than happy that I exercised and made it through the complete workout.

Saturday Hubby and Son went to the lake. I had too much work to do PLUS our hamster is sick and in the middle of daily meds treatment so I was happy to stay home.  My Daughter decided she wanted to stay with me and lay low for the weekend.  We took a notion to go someplace adventurous for dinner and ended up at a Japanese grill.  Not terribly unhealthy but I did eat a couple pieces of chicken and way too much shrimp.  On the way out my Daughter wanted some bulk candy and I ate some of that too. 

In keeping with the idea of a food journal I will report that none of that eating had anything to do with hunger or impulse or self control.  I never argued with myself about it.  My Daughter wanted to have a Girl’s Night Out while the boys were gone (she’s and I made the choice to enjoy.  Great in the big picture, but not for day 2 of a challenge. 

Sunday was uneventful. I had to show houses and was pretty busy… had no caffeine or meat but didn’t have anything good either.  Ate too much bread and Ramen noodles.  How I feel is crappy.  And again, I never felt hungry or “tempted” to stray from my program but I had gotten busy and still haven’t filled up the fridge with my yummy veggie treats. 

I decided last night that I would do some type of fast or detox because I had not jumped in the way I hoped PLUS I just feel all full and gunky.   I researched the topic last night and found lots of interesting fasts, but decided on just a good old fruit and juice fast.  I was planning on two days, but I don’t know now…

I started out this morning with a big glass of water, followed by Pomegranate juice.  Later had another big glass of water.  (Constantly sipping).  While the rest of the Fam had dinner I had a shake with frozen tropical fruit, fresh blueberries, pomegranate juice, protein and a tablespoon of olive oil.  (gotta get my MUFA in there!)

I had a GREAT day!  I am bloated, but that started yesterday for whatever reason.  I was on fire with energy all day!  Was starting to joke about feeling cranky around 4 and now at 7pm I am flipping hungry!!!  I’m aggressively sucking down this big glass of water next to me. 

I don’t know if I will make it through a second day because I am seriously feeling a little crazy here, but I am determined to finish out this day.  I am headed to the store in just a bit to get my vegetarian staples and if I get any wilder with hunger I’m hitting the bed early to avoid temptation!

So that’s it.  4 days on the project.  Hungry, bloated, and grouchy.  Sounds about right!

I read an interesting article today that has little to do with Project Skinny Bitch and more to do with the actual book’s claims about cattle flatulence and climate change.  This was  a subject in the book I skipped right over because I wasn’t sure if I bought it and I was already overcome with too much realization about the abusive treatment of animals on factory farms.

This story goes into some detail about how the flatulence and waste is actually more of a problem to climate change than transportation, and what some farmers are doing away with the danger factor and turning all that gas and waste into something good.

For all the good being done here, I see a potential conflict rising between the animal rights activists and the advocates for a greener earth, whereas these two groups would ordinarily seem to support eachother. 

In an effort to reduce the greenhouse gas emissions, people are being encouraged to eat less beef and cheese, while choosing chicken instead.  Meanwhile, to reduce animal cruelty, many animal activists promote that giving up chicken will have the bigger effect on lowering the instances of animal cruelty. Of course the simple solution is to quit eating both, but it is just not that easy to expect everyone to do, no matter how simple the original Skinny Bitches, my heroes, would have us believe. 

Click here for the interesting story of how cattle byproducts are being used for electricity while cleaning up the environment.

Well here it is the beginning of Project Skinny Bitch and it feels just like any other day.  Everyone is asleep, as usual.  The washing machine is swooshing, the turtle is is doing his morning lunges off his platform, and I’m at the computer checking in everywhere thinking I wish I hadn’t fallen into the summer trap of sleeping until 9.  It feels like the day is half over already.  I guess I put so much energy in and created excitement over the planning and anticipation that I was expecting something to POP today.  Maybe it is that lack of instant gratification that makes us lose interest in new diets and other lifestyle changes.  Maybe finding something to keep me excited will be the key to my success this time. 

I fell asleep last night thinking about today and how I got here.  I also thought about where I was before.  Over the years as I have become less healthy I have had to fight off the depression bug pretty hard.  I went to work every day at the real estate office and smiled real big and tried to convince everyone (including me) that I was happy, chipper me.   I have not allowed my mind to go much to what life was like before and how it compares to now.  The physical feelings… the tiredness, the extra weight, lack of energy to play with my kids as much as I want, tight clothes, etc., were enough to deal with.  Pining over the past for five years might have been too much for me and left me wide open to the bug.

In terms of weight loss, we don’t often think deeper than “before” and “after”.  Fat people getting skinny.  We get excited for them and even motivated ourselves to make some kind of change that is needed.  But we don’t often think about how that changes their lives beyond looking great in  tank top.  Those who experience sudden weight loss due to something like bariatric surgery have some extreme things to get used to with how they see themselves (or don’t recogize themselves in the mirror) to reacting to the way society changes toward them over night. 

What about the skinny girl turned fat?  That’s where I am.  If you have only ever been one or the other you will not be able to relate but if you have… if you’ve gone from fat to skinny you are enjoying the way people treat you at the store, the mall, the gas station, the gym, etc.  And if you’re like me, skinny to fat, you are painfully aware of how the world turned against you.

Sometimes thin, hot, or just non fat people do not realize the perks afforded to them by being as they are. Before I gained weight people I passed were so kind.  Everyone smiled really big and showed me to my table, made chit chat at the check out counter, wiped my windows while I was pumping gas, and valued my opinion on a variety of topics.  Today I have doors fluttering closed in my face because I can’t even get someone to hold the door for me when my arms are filled with bags. 

It is easy to be happy and optimistic when people are smiling back at you.  When the day comes that you realize you have made it through several days without a single act of random kindness coming back to you it becomes clear.  I am a fat person now.  So this is how it feels. 

To keep me motivated I am going to bring those feelings of yesteryear out of the closet and hold them close to me.  I think it is sad that this is how society works and that we have to look a certain way to be treated well, but maybe if it didn’t, we wouldn’t be motivated to look and feel our best, which ultimately is as much an issue of health as aesthetics. I want the world to smile back at me and maybe even hold the door for me.  The gratification will not be intant, but the idea of being on my way there is already making me happy.